Worth Avoiding: Exes

So to put everything out there, here’s the brief version of my relationship history:

7th grade (c. 1995) first love, first relationship.

9th grade (14 years old) first real kiss…and it was gross.

10th grade (1998) first healthy relationship, lasting about 2 years.

11th grade (1999/2000) few girlfriends here and there.

Summer between high school graduation & freshman year of college: beginning of the longest relationship to date (4 years, give or take. And I waited till the end of those four years to finally kiss her…)

2005, returned from a mission, lots of dating, not really any relationships until I started dating who would be my first wife.

2006, first marriage, lasting a whopping 13 months (to the day!)

2007-2009, random hookups, pointless first dates, watched a lot of movies and enjoyed the company of my dog Toby, the single “person” that got me through that divorce.

2009, decided to start dating April, my wife. We were engaged a month later and married 3 months after that.

Which brings us to 2010. Sorry if the recap wasn’t brief enough for you. And yes, I was married before, which I’m grateful for, because I learned a lot, and am a better husband now for those things, as painful as they may have been.

Now, I make a pretty conscious effort to not have contact with my ex-wife. However I do consider some previous girlfriends good friends that I stay in online contact with – facebook, twitter, yelp, chat, etc.

So I was a little disconcerted when I get an email out of the blue from my ex-wife. I haven’t talked with her since I let her know I was getting remarried, and I don’t sit up at night waiting for the next time she emails or calls.

Now it wasn’t anything serious, she was emailing to say she was thinking about my mom and to let me know our old dog died. No harm done right? Well, maybe not immediately. The harm comes when I have to spend time thinking about why she wrote, as I have felt that due to the circumstances surrounding our divorce she’s quite a manipulative person. I go to my wife and let her know that she emailed me, because we have a very trusting relationship filled with honest and open communication. But what effect does it have on her?

Anyway, I’ll spare you my day to day troubles. My life has just shown me that it’s best to avoid exes when you’re in a new relationship. They cause nothing but trouble, and especially if your significant other is less trusting and loving as mine, they could cause serious problems in your relationship. There are very very self conscious and delicate people that could be devastated from something like this.

Exes: worth avoiding.

    • Vikki
    • February 27th, 2010

    I think this pretty much rings true. I like that you are able to admit that you have learned something from your experiences of being married before. And I like that you tell your awesome wife of these odd pieces of communication. If you didn’t then it would just hurt more if your Awesome Wife eventually found out — it just appears more suspicious.

    You’re an amazing person, and an awesome husband, which is suiting for your Awesome Wife.

    • eternallyhopeful
    • February 27th, 2010

    I agree. If you have a child, unfortunately, there is no way to avoid the ex. But, if there isn’t one, why would you keep contact? What would be the purpose of the relationship? I am still undecided but I have a tendency to believe that men and woman (especially if attracted to one another) can not be friends. So, why keep ties open that can cause temptation and harm to the current relationship and the one that you love. I just think it is very unwise.

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